Rant, Then Breathe In/Breathe Out
Women & Religion (uuwr.org) News "blog by
Helen wrote: "I have sleep-disturbing nights like tonight when I feel we feminists could give up slogging through the patriarchal pie, up to our necks, impeded by disgusting goo everywhere. So many incidents in the day before this sleepless night make me just want to give in, lie down and slurp up what tastes good to me at that moment, but... To give up, to be swallowed up into my own little bite of sweet self-interest, grabbing what I can, would mean drowning. I'd sink into too many over-cooked (but familiar), power-over ingredients."
Guess I'm having one of those nights right now, since it's 11:15pm and I can't seem to get to sleep. What disturbs my sleep is similar to what disturbs yours: the everlasting patriarchal hogwash I see on the news every day/night...plus big dogs -- when I'm just out walking in my nice, suburban neighborhood -- running/growling/barking -- rushing up to me, catching me off guard, though they’re behind electronic fences which I'm afraid they may break through at any instant -- as my heart pounds from being surprised once again!...plus occasional bursts of temper from people that also catch me off-guard -- triggered, perhaps, by something that has nothing to do with me!....plus my continued frustration at not being able to understand, nor being privy to the information about what's going on in my adult sons’ minds, nor whether they will ever be able to fully communicate with me anything -- their feelings, their thoughts; they’re "guys" and they seem to be living on another planet.
It's all such a mystery to me....not to mention "life and death" (my own, and others')....and the "state of the universe"! And who INVENTED this mess, (e.g., wars everywhere, etc.) anyway?? And WHY????
Boy, late night thinking can really get complicated! I'm not really upset. These thoughts just go round and round in my head most of the time lately. You'd think eventually men would learn that starting war after war after war never settles anything anyway; and bubble after bubble after bubble isn't any way to run a worldwide financial system either, with people losing their homes, and losing their relatively good-paying middle-class jobs, and so much domestic violence and illness and all the rest. I'm really getting sick of it.
So, I go outside and look at the trees turning color with their rising sap, like they always do, every year. Or if it’s night, I look at the moon, and feel the monthly changes we share. Or I sing or listen to music and, finally, feel a bit at peace again. Or I look into a child's face, and think maybe there's a chance they will start all over and not make the same mistakes of all the past generations. Oh, and then I watch PBS about the Hubble telescope and all of the wonders there are out there in outer space, more than we ever imagined; more than we CAN imagine! Going back in time to the beginning almost, of the first Big Bang (or maybe "Bangs" since they're now saying they might be like the bubbles in champagne, many universes, popping off everywhere). Who knows?! Another mystery.
"And then we die." Or not! Who knows?! Maybe not!!! Maybe all of those ancient Hindus and Buddhists are right, and we get reincarnated and come back again....until we get it right. I don't know about you, but just the thought of that makes me tired. Guess I'll head back to bed. But I just wanted to let you know I enjoyed your blog, Helen!